"blegh" is the best word i can think of.

I'm in gaylord and kind of somber. I am in this big blue chair waiting for my mom to ask me what's wrong, and then I'll cry and tell her everything and she'll grab me a blanket to cuddle up with, turn on the radio, and quietly sing along to whatever is on while she makes me grilled cheese and tomato soup. I'll gladly eat it and she'll say, "you're my strong girl" and I'll say, "yeah I know mom." She isn't going to hassle me. Just listen. And if anybody asks, "what's wrong with nicole?" she'll reply with just "she's sick leave her alone." And I will smile and think my mom is so fucking cool.

I'm still sick to my stomach sad in this chair though, waiting on momz.

when did i become such a faggot

i think i became the butt of everyone's jokes. time to find my way out of this mess.

after 22 years, i can finally say with truth that i'm doing the best i possibly can. this, so far, has been bittersweet. but i'll never stop doing my best now that i've started.

i'm going to marry ryan c. white one of these days.

people are heartless.

i have a lot of depressing moments but i'm pretty sure it's because i'm still healing, and i'll be this way for a really long time. possibly forever. it's annoying to people but i don't mean to be annoying. i need to stop annoying my boo so he will say cute nice things and cuddle and (mostly) just smile at me so i will get out of my funk for the time being until it comes back. i know that is a very large job. if it's too large then i may have to move with my family because i am realizing that i can't get through this on my own. my cat only goes so far. basically, every so often i need to be babied, by my boyfriend or my family.

year five of college is complete.

actually, undergraduate studies altogether are fucking complete.

holyyyyyyy shit.

livejournal, i'm using you to tell everyone that i'm not a nut or a basketcase and that i am surviving (by a thread but surviving nonetheless).

tell everyone to stop telling me how to feel and how to fix things. all their advice is borderline ridiculous.

please find someone who will just listen to me and maybe let me cry once in awhile.

i'm not a child and i'm not a fucking disease.

april 26th can't come soon enough!


You cant get rid of me that easy no
Not without a fight
Your cool and collective approach is appealing yeah
You've got it down just right
You should put a blindfold over my eyes
And tape my mouth shut

When every word I say might as well be might as well be my last thought

No I don't want to make this an issue
I just want to pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again

No I don't want to make this an issue
I just want to pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again

You left me pictures just to tease me
Or maybe out of spite
You used your body to confuse me
Your hips swing just right
How do I control myself around you
I need to be locked up

When every word I say might as well be might as well be my last one

No I don't want to make this an issue
I just want to pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again

No I don't want to make this an issue
I just want to pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again

You're a wolf in sheep's skin
Teeth can tear me limb from limb
Do you have the room to spare me in your heart of hearts

I'm a wolf in sheep's skin
Teeth can tear you limb from limb
I don't have the room to spare you

No I don't want to make this an issue
I just want to pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again

No I don't want to make this an issue
I just want to pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again
Pick back up right where we left off
So we don't get caught up again